Let Us Be More Forgiving of Men

Breaking news: people have biases and stereotypes about others based on their perceptions and lived experiences. No surprise, right? What HAS been surprising for me recently has been noticing the assumptions that I make about other men. It actually came to my attention when I was talking with another colleague about conduct hearings, and how some students don't show up. I realized that when a woman chooses not to show up, it is a relatively surprising event. But when a man skips their student conduct hearing, it does not shock me at all. In fact, it reinforces my own stereotypes about college-aged men being irresponsible and disrespectful.

"Pssh, just another pot smoking lax bro who wasted an hour of my hectic work schedule."

Is this you, too? If so, then join in with me in recognizing how detrimental this is in both professional and personal realms. If not, then there is a lot that I can learn from you. I have been recognizing that I have incredibly low expectations for college men, and I've internalized so much of it throughout my young professional career.

On the other hand, I wonder how much of this is impacted by my own growth in gender development. In some ways, it feels similar to how "good whites" distrust other whites who they deem as racist. I wonder how much of this comes down to espousing certain values around masculinity and distancing myself from others who I perceive as obstacles or even enemies. If I am in a meeting with other men, I generally assume that I am the only one who has a "gender lens" on, and is conscious about gender dynamics during the meeting.

I have found some affirming spaces where I can let this guard down, namely the men's discussion group that I am a part of at UVM and the Men and Masculinities Knowledge Community through NASPA. It helps me counter the images and stereotypes of men being disrespectful and irresponsible when I see others who are invested in this work. I am slowly becoming more cognizant of my biases, and checking myself when I elevate myself above other men. I would love to hear whether others can relate with me, or if they have any advice or resources they could provide.

Enjoy your day!
Vu Tran (vu.tran@uvm.edu)
NASPA Region 1 MMKC Representative
Residence Director at the University of Vermont