New Blog Site

Hello Everyone,

The Men and Masculinities Knowledge Community has moved to a new site!

http://naspammkc.wordpress.com/

Please follow us there as we hope to continue to spark conversation about Masculinity...

Hug Hegemony

Give me a handshake or give me a hug.  I’ll be honest – I used to despise what I like to call the “hugshake.”  To give you a visual, the hugshake occurs when two people shake hands while using the other arm to hug each other.  Hugshakes are the manifestation of masculine hug hegemony.  If you want to give me a hug, just give me the hug!  Don’t beat around the bush.  Let your inhibition go and forget what the other guys around us are thinking.  They’re probably far too jealous to express the fact that they want a nice bear hug just as much as the guys next to them.  Hugs are good for the soul, and men shouldn’t deny themselves the opportunity for improved holistic health.

I grew up with friends and family that would only give hugs, so my perplexity is certainly merited.  But does this mean that I shouldn’t be sensitive to those that fear dissolving the mask of masculinity?  For those that may feel the way I do, I have some terrible news.  I am an absolute hypocrite.  I did what I thought to be the unthinkable…

A few weekends ago, I celebrated my birthday at a bar in downtown Chicago with a few good friends of mine.  One of them taps me on the shoulder and says, “Warren, do you know who that is behind you? That’s Reggie Bush!” I likely wouldn’t have known the Miami Dolphins running back had he not at one time dated Kim Kardashian, so to anyone that doesn’t follow sports, there’s your description.  For some reason, I felt it was appropriate to pass by his bodyguard to introduce myself.  “Hi Reggie, it’s my birthday. Would you mind taking a picture with me?”  I hand my camera to his bodyguard and he snaps the photo.  I thank him by shaking his hand…then the unthinkable happened.  He reached in and gave me the dreaded hugshake.  I was too nervous and star struck to do anything but to revert back to my masculine script and graciously accept his gesture.

You may be thinking I just invalidated all my previous statements.  However, by reflecting on this experience, I have developed a more humbled perspective.  Men will use societal masculine norms for many reasons, one being a form of protection.  Reggie made me realize that we need to meet other men where they are at, because some are simply not ready to dissolve their mask and move away from a world of subconsciously accepted normative behavior.  However, this does not mean that I won’t provide the challenge to step away from these invisible boundaries.  I will be a loyal partner, waiting patiently until the other is ready to embark on the path toward true self-expression.  I will provide support in a manner in which he sees fit, and I encourage others to do the same.

Warren Grove works with the Center for the Study of Masculinities & Men's Development (CMMD) at Western Illinois University.  He can reached at 
ww-grove@wiu.edu.  For more information about the CMMD, please visit their webpage here. 

MMKC Pre-Conference: Beneath The Surface

I have enjoyed working with the MMKC over the past two years.  There has been a surplus of conversation regarding the complexity of men and the multiple modes of masculinity that exists. The research has been phenomenal, the practitioner perspective is invaluable, and the unified efforts of all who are invested in the success of men in higher education are commendable. Although I appreciate the scholarship and academic work that has come out of our knowledge community, I have been much more intrigued by the internal transparency and learning that happens beneath the surface of the MMKC. In a field where pedigree, credentials, and reputation carry a significant amount of weight, it is difficult to find men and women who are willing to expose themselves to a group – be it fear of judgment or arrogance. As I reflect on the MMKC preconference at NASPA, I am overwhelmed by the synergy, genius, and trust that were in the room – participants and presenters alike. I’m sure we all anticipated walking away with programs and research to take back to our campuses. But as the day went on I got the sense that everyone learned more about themselves through discussing the challenges and triumphs of working with college aged men.

Each person spoke candidly about their upbringing (good and bad), fears, accomplishments, doubts, triumphs, and aspirations with a nakedness that is often reserved for intimate settings around people we have known for many years. I was pleasantly surprised that we willingly offered our personal experiences as a sacrifice to foster the conversation about self-exploration and identity development not just our students but for ourselves as well.  Often times we tell men on our campuses to embrace difficult and uncomfortable conversations that will help them grow but we won’t engage these conversations with our own peers and colleagues. We tell them to confront injustice in their social settings but we will sit idly by and let our silence become consent. We tell them to grapple with the intersection of spirituality, power and privilege, sexuality, ethnicity, socio-economic status but we fail to contend with it ourselves. I have consistently observed colleagues that send these messages but refuse to do the self-work that is required.

The preconference was an awesome experience because we modeled what we want men on campus to do. We all did the work it takes to help the community achieve greater enlightenment. I estimate that the one day session that was meant to be purely academic ended up being a therapeutic and transformative experience that will shape our personal and professional lives for many years to come. Personally, the MMKC preconference was the highlight of NASPA – no disrespect to John Legend and his outstanding opening performance. But to his point our discussion reaffirmed the notion that we are all just ordinary people men and women trying to be the best human beings we can be. 

Rafael Moffett, Ed. D is the Director for Campus & Community Involvement (CCI) at Trinity University and the Region III Representative for the Men & Masculinities Knowledge Community (MMKC.)  He can be reached at raphael.moffett@trinity.edu.

Science and Engineering Degrees by Gender

The College Gender Gap

Courtesy of: OnlineDegrees.com

Infographic | Social Media Habits of Men and Women

Struggling Together...

Raphael Moffett is one of our outstanding MMKC Region Representatives. He represents Region III, if my memory serves well. As we’ve been preparing for our pre-conference at the national conference in Phoenix, he’s been sharing with me about his concept of ‘struggling together’ with our students. He is referencing the need to balance the request that our students examine their own lives through a gendered lens (a task that is often met with a sense of struggle on various levels) with our need as educators and facilitators to do the same – with them. He posits that we are to not only walk beside them, but share our lives with them. As my mind was recently playing with this concept, I thought about the fact that as educators, we often struggle together in a number of ways. Or, perhaps, we should be sharing our struggles with each other more often.

I can remember mentoring young men in the past and grappling with how I should be guiding them and speaking into their dating lives. I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to tell them stories from my past and how I failed – how would they see me then? In the end, I found it freeing to give them a chance to learn from my mistakes. They also seemed to respect me because of my honesty. Likewise, when counseling a supervisee about some of his worries and performance issues, we both seemed to relax when I allowed myself to ‘go there’ and let him know about my shortcomings in the past, and the ways that I am currently unsure of how my supervisor views the work that I produce. I also have a dear friend at a former institution who has continually pressed me to understand my many privileges. I cherish the times we have together, mostly on the phone any more, when she can give me a different perspective on life. This only happens because I’ve allowed her in that ‘space’ and she has committed a part of her life to my educating me about the realities of those with less privilege.

I find colleagues struggling to fight ignorance, politics, and apathy on campuses regarding issues of masculinity, feminism, and inclusion. I find colleagues struggling to balance their ‘day jobs’ with their gender work. I find colleagues struggling to find the words to speak truth into the lives of students. I find colleagues struggling against the workings of a strict code that follows the gender binary. I find colleagues struggling to find the time to explore the literature that will help to educate them about topics that are germane to their constituencies and stakeholders. I find colleagues struggling to advocate for professional development funds so that they may more fully engage in national conversations of import. I find colleagues struggling to have the awareness and find the energy needed to reflect on themselves as gendered beings and grow in their understanding of the impact of having grown up in a society that places such varied emphases on gender.

As I previously mentioned, let’s struggle together. Call your Regional Representative. Call a friend on campus. Make a new friend in your multicultural center, your women’s studies faculty, or in your student body. Commit to reading one article this year and then host a brown bag lunch to discuss the contents therein.

We cannot do this on our own.

Personally, I feel blessed to have such a strong network of colleagues, friends, and mentors throughout the country who I can count on to listen as I vent, share as I inquire, and call me out when I’m oppressing a person or group. We all do it, no need to hide it. Growth occurs when we can critically analyze such concepts against a number of different events and philosophies. To do so is to struggle. To struggle is to be frustrated, and in the words of one of my mentors, frustration breeds change, and change breeds growth.

And who can argue with growth?

Patrick Tanner is the Director of Student and Enrollment Services at Pennsylvania State University - York and serves as the MMKC Region II Representative.  He can be reached at ptanner@psu.edu.